Discussion:Spouses of tax preparers
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Discussion Forum Index --> Tax Questions --> Spouses of tax preparers
| 15 March 2007 | |
| Does anyone else have this same problem? I've been preparing taxes for close to twenty years and my husband (of 30 years) still gets irritated with my overtime. We have the same discussion every year. "I know I'm working nights and weekends but I promise no more overtime after April 15th." "I can't spend time with you right now I have a deadline - I have to get this done or I'll be in trouble". "No, I can just hire someone to help me - I still end up reviewing (and usually correcting) their work - I may as well do it myself." "If I take time off now it only puts me farther behind."
I have an extremely patient husband, very good, very caring, always helps with housework and filling in. Never a problem. But by March he's had it with my schedule. How does everyone else handle this? | |
| March 15, 2007 | |
| On March 20th, 1982, when my ex told me he was going to move out and wanted a divorce, I watched him walk out and hoped the door would hit him in the ass. I don't think my work schedule was much of a factor, though, since I was competing with the blonde county dispatcher (my ex was a deputy sheriff and he married her the next year) and he already had his mind made up. Since then, I just avoid relationships, so then nobody has to feel lonely when I'm working constantly for three months each year, and I don't have to hear anyone whine for three months. | |
| 15 March 2007 | |
| Both of us are preparers so we don't have to deal with it. He's in the field and I do all the office work. Every single piece of paper that goes through this office has to be touched and checked by me. Tell him to get a hobby. | |
Death&Taxes (talk|edits) said: | 15 March 2007 |
| My late wife used to think it exciting at times, awful at others. It gave her the chance to make things for dinner that I hated, like turkey and liver. Now my girlfriend does the processing and runs the office. | |
| March 16, 2007 | |
| Grab a tissue. My wife is the most important (ok, 2nd, I am a Christian, tho' I may not act the part well at times) thing in my life. My best friend. I love to spend time with her. Clients come and go. Some are mean and demanding. Some don't pay me. So I stick with her. I like to be with her, and she with me. We've been married 23 1/2 yrs, so it's not like this is new. I refuse to let my work come between me and her or me and the other more important things I do. I am very passionate about this. Those returns you're up all night doing? Shreds in three years. Seriously. Think about that. Don't waste your life on this stuff. Build some walls, limit your income if you have to, hire somebody, you pick. But don't toast your marriage over mere money. No one will care later. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| You might wanna get him occupied in your taxpractice - have him input all data and you check the numbers. He would understand how much work you have to do after all. AND if he could help you some of the tax work, you would arrange time to make him few good dinners or go to a movie on a Saturday nights, he would not feel lonely.
I only work 6 days/week and try to save Sundays for family (only few times when clients need to see me on Sunday). I would loose some of my clients, but that is okay, family is more important to me. So set your priority... Good luck! | |
| March 16, 2007 | |
| FLAEA, I hear you. My wife and I almost always end up in divorce. It usually happens between April 1 - April 15. I adjust my schedule so that I am home for half of the dinners during the week, and no work on most Sundays. But when I am home I am dead tired, so that doesn't count...I guess. I wish it was as simple as telling her to suck it up. And to remember that this is what pays for the vacations (and the mortgage, and the retirement accounts, and the kid's school, and the groceries). It's gotta be better than our friends, who's husbands commute 3 hours a day, leave at 5:30 am, get home at 7:30 pm EVERYDAY!
For me, I try to make her feel like she is more important than my work. This is important to women (Right?) It's so hard to remember to do this when you got all the stress of tax season. Gotta go, my wife is on the phone. | |
Actionbsns (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| FLAEA interesting that you should post this. My husband always gets so whiney during tax time. Last year was the worst, I felt that no woman could EVER be that bad. He's a lot better this year. I suggested to him that he might come down and help, he could do data entry, put returns together, anything to get him involved. He thinks I'll check every little thing that he does. Told him, that yes, I would check everything because that's how I know it's right and that when I worked at the CPA office, there were at least two people checking every little thing that I did. It's called review work. I do try to keep Sunday's free so we can do things together and when it's not tax season, I don't work weekends and try not to work late in the evening. Glad to know it's not an isolated problem, though. BTW, we've been married 40 years and it won't get in the way of the marriage, but it does get in the way of things like self image and it adds to the stress factor. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| My husband, Wally, is the greatest guy in the world. He is incredibly supportive and dives into his own work when I am in the depths of tax season. He comes to my office every night after he's done with work so I don't have to leave late at night by myself. He makes dinner when I'm too tired. He does laundry on Saturday and cleans the house. He rubs my shoulders. And now that I'm sick, he has been by my side at every doctor and hospital appt. Since I had another surgery yesterday, and stayed home today, he is on his way to my office right now to close it up, send my employees home and deposit my billing for the day. I am very lucky, and I try to pay him back after the season is over with lots of good food and love - 8 months of payback for 4 miserable months is not a bad deal! | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| My husband has a regular full time job and comes to the office and helps me, when he can. He learned how to do taxes a few years back and loves it. If he had his way he would quit his job tomorrow and come work here full time. Well . . . he's a teamster and has been for over 20 years and they have an excellent benefits package so no he will not be quitting his day job any time soon. He is a tremendous help and has never complained about the hours as the income benefits both of us. I'm the one that works seven days a week into the wee hours of the morning. I see this as a trade off because working all these hours allows me to coast the rest of the year. As far as dinners go we actually have some clients that bring us home cooked meals because I don't cook during tax season nor does my husband. A lot of take out food so a home cooked meal is a treat for us. As far as staying at the office late, that's why I got a laptop. It is too scary to leave the office alone after midnight. I'll leave here at 7ish and tonight I'll be working at home with Grey's Anatomy on in the background. | |
Rgtaxservice (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| I've been doing this for 15 years and my wife is very understanding. She joking considers herself a 'tax widow'. I always made time for Valentine's Day and our anniversary (early April).
What really gets to her though is when I am underfoot after April 15th. She will look at me and say "Don't you have taxes to do or something?". She needs to get used to me again. She forgets who really controls the remote. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| My husband is great - steps in the gap during tax season every year to help with whatever needs to be done. I'm not sure what I ever did to deserve such a great guy - but I'm extremely grateful. He goes out of his way to make sure I'm ok - from filling up my gas tank to making sure the laundry is finished. I am one of those who do work at the office until 3 or 4 in the morning - mainly because I've found if I work at home I'm way tooooo close to my bed!!!! My husband has me call every night as I'm walking out of the office in order to make sure I've made it into the car safely then tells me he loves me - he really is the best. I do remember we did have a discussion near the end of one tax season - that he wasn't happy - it made me realize that while I had to work long hours during tax season it was necessary to make sure he knew that he was/is also important - So, now I make sure to block out at least a few hours here and there throughout the week that is time just for us.....I found that the little bit of effort on my part to break away from the craziness of tax season makes all the difference in the world to him. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| My 'tax widow' is understanding and 'used to it' for 20 years now. She realizes where much of the vacation money comes from. I'm with JR 100%, family comes first. I limit my hours, come home for dinner then go back for a couple hours. Don't work Sunday, and shorters Saturdays than weekdays. Sadly, my friends don't even call me during this time to do stuff, they are my 'tax widows' also. (unless they need their taxes done of course) | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| I love my husband. He is my best friend and a damn hard worker. We both average 50 hours a week. But on top of that, I handle the housework, our one year old, the laundry, the running around, the client appointments, my businesses and between January and April...tax returns. He doesn't understand why the dishes are in the sink and I am still at work at 1AM. He thinks my hours should be between 8AM-5PM including January and April and they just are not. I don't think he understands my business is 24/7 and clients expect quick turnarounds. Do I make time for my family? Of course. I work later hours and go without sleep to make sure I am there to be with him and our baby at dinner and at bedtime. I race home from a client's at 4:30PM to pick up the baby from the sitter's by 5:30PM. My husband....he got home at 4:00PM and took a nap. ;)
I know I am going to sound like I am sooo whining and maybe I am, but being a woman in business is difficult. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do and I love working for myself, but it isn't easy (as anyone...man or woman knows). If a man works 50-60 hours he is ambitious and a go-getter. A woman, on the other hand, she is avoiding her family and responsibilities. Most man say they love a woman that works...as long as it doesn't involve her lack of washing the laundry, keeping the house clean, raising the children, and fixing the meals. It is a double edged sword. I am sure most of the guys are booing at me by now and maybe some women disagree with me. But, that is my $.02 and I am now quietly stepping off my soapbox. :) | |
| March 16, 2007 | |
| Except for PVV and me, none of us would trade places and become a woman. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| JR- you said it perfectly. Don't sweat the small stuff, make time for your loved one and clients will come and go ! My husband and I will be married 35 years this year and he has been putting up with tax seasons ever since. | |
Death&Taxes (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| No one has mentioned Tax Season Grannies. Sorry for the Python reference, but you never know when to expect the Spanish Inquisition.
Seriously, Pam has six grandkids who will visit for weekends and during this time, her computer is off limits to them and they are told to trod through this room wearing marshmallows. Disturb David and you face ex-communication. | |
Bushmaster (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| My wife bought me a "Happy March 15" present. I asked her what she had done and she said "Nothing, I just know you have been working a lot." I got some too!!! Go me. | |
Chris2lane (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| My wife is very understanding that this time of year is the nature of the beast. I'll put in my 13 or so hours so I can be home by 9 so I can read to my young boys (4 and 2) and tuck them in. This past Sunday (March 11) we had a combo birthday party for them and it will also be my last day off until April 15. I know it is difficult for everyone involved, but the little lady will try and bring them to work to see daddy and have lunch on occasion. After the 15th, I'll take 4 days off and we'll do a daytrip everyday. Jersey shore, aquarium, Franklin Institute in Philly, anything just to spend the days together. I have a great wife. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| I could not agree more with JR1. I might work from home, but I put my family first to the point where I am coaching my daughter's soccer team during tax season (okay, she's only 6). My daughter will be graduating from college before I know it. I am also responsible for laundry, cooking and some cleaning. My wife works full-time.
One of my clients died earlier this week. I had a very enlightening conversation with him a week before he died. He knew he was dying and asked me to help his widow as she is not financially savvy (they are only in their mid 60's). Just before I went to the wake, a client was supposed to stop by before then. I told them I had to go somewhere and if they weren't here by X time, I wouldn't be at home. Guess what? They didn't show on time and I left. When I got back they were pissed. I told them I was sorry but I had to take care of something more important. They looked at me funny and when I told them where I was, they backed down. No one ever said on their death bed, "I wish I spent more time at the office." It's that simple. Even though we work hard during this time of year, life is fleeting. Take some time to be with your family. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| Yes Tom, I have had 3 long time clients this year come in and say they have cancer and will not make it - (they are youngsters - early 60's )
It puts tax seasons and life in perspective! I am a young 53 and will not let tax seasons get me! | |
Death&Taxes (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| My first boss married on March 21st, because back before 1954 or so, the deadline for 1040s was March 15th....he said he told his intended that they would always be able to celebrate after busy season. Lot of good it did him. | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| Interesting - I did not know that March 15 was the filing date back then - of course, 1954 I was just a one year old with aspirations of being a CPA when I grow up! | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| Thank you all for your responses. I was actually surprised at the number of you that took the time to reply. You all told me what I already really knew - that life is short, family is THE most important thing, and always put the demands of this job in perspective. You are absolutely right!! Also - I wanted to clarify that my husband is not normally a complainer. He is extremely patient, giving, helpful, and puts me first in his life (after God). He does however miss me during tax season - and I really miss him too. Time to go now and spend time with the the one person who doesn't care whether or not I can finish their return. :} | |
Actionbsns (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| Taocpa - you are absolutely right - your six year old WILL be graduating from college before know it and you will be sitting in the audience wondering how all of that happened so fast. I look at my son, who will be 39 this year and wonder how he got that tall so fast. It seems that it was just a moment ago he was 10 years old and wanted either a new skate board or a Huffy bike for his birthday which is coming up. Now - there are two adorable grandchildren (7 & 8) who are doing the same thing. Life goes by fast and when you're not looking it passes you by, don't let it do that without being involved. You have to have balance even in tax season.
And BTW - when I came home last night, there were orchids on the table(OK they are from on our yard, but still...) , two hugging monkies wearing aloha clothes and a gift of a favorite movie that just came out on DVD, waiting for me. So even though my husband is whiney and sometimes doesn't quite get what I do and how important and time consuming it is. He can be very thoughtful. Another lessoned learned a long time ago - you have to tell the good as well as the bad. | |
Bottom Line (talk|edits) said: | 16 March 2007 |
| My husband gets cranky in January. As I've said elsewhere, January is my worst month with W-2's and 1099's. I'm very blessed that he does all the cooking, yardwork, housekeeping and about half the laundry during the year. During tax season he takes over the rest of the laundry. He's a fireman that retires in 14 months and 14 days (not that we're counting). Much as I love him, I do appreciate the 24 hours that he's on duty. That's when I try to schedule my night appointments. I generally try to be home by 6 pm for supper. Most of the time I work from home for another four hours or so after supper. He's working on a second career as a sports writer and is writing for KFFL.com about football and baseball. (I think part of the reason he's cranky in January is because football's winding down and baseball hasn't gotten going yet.) | |
| 16 March 2007 | |
| Daniteel, it doesn't rell get easier, just different, and my husband has learned slowly over these past 18 years, but eventually he caught on. My rule when the kids were little - be home for bedtime - work after they are asleep. As long as you keep the routine somewhat consistent, the kids will adapt. The husband is harder to train! | |
| 19 March 2007 | |
| Dani, you get the gold star award in my book. I've always said that preparing taxes is not for the weak and we are a breed that seperates us from other professions. You did not sound whinny at all, just sounded like someone working two jobs with very long hours (housewife & mother counts as a full time job). Maybe your husband could be coerced into picking up the baby, laundry, start dinner or help deliver and/or pick up client papers. Your building a business and maybe if he was a part of it he would help more. Personally I don't think you should have to do it all and maybe your husband should help out a little more. Hang in there. | |
| 19 March 2007 | |
| Wait till you hear what the EXTERNAL Auditors have to say for the BIG 4 :P | |
| 19 March 2007 | |
| Ahhh...I have 8 children...not many of them little anymore *sigh* but still 2 in middle and high school....now it is single, beefaroni (eck...I am sick and tired of chef-boy-ar-dee) but it comes with leaving a simple life for a new "vision".....when tax season is over, I would like all of us to read "The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari"...I have started reading it bit by bit and it is incredible!!!
Thank you my friends for being there when I need you...and I need you alot!!!! | |
| 19 March 2007 | |
| My wife is too busy with her businesses to worry about my schedule. I sometimes get home by 7 pm and she says,"you're home early!!" | |
| 20 March 2007 | |
| I am truly blessed to have a husband as understanding as mine. He just expects the late hours every year. The now 12 yr old son misses me a lot but he will learn like the other 2 did, that until the deadline, mama will be like a ship in the night. My hubby was really great 12 yrs. ago when I gave birth to our last child the day after the corp. deadline and finished tax season at home. Got tubes tied next day too. He was a tremendous help.
I am sure like everyone else April 17th can't get here soon enough. Dar | |
Bottom Line (talk|edits) said: | 20 March 2007 |
| Thanks Acctax for the laugh | |
| 20 March 2007 | |
| This has been interesting reading being relatively new to this forum and to "tax season". This is only my 2nd. My family is very supportive and transitioning to "tax season" hasn't and wont' be a huge deal. For the last 6 years, I've been working full time and going to school. I finished my bachelors online at night and for the last year or so have been driving 2 days a week in the evenings to complete my masters -- I will be done this December then will begin really studying for the CPA exam. I have a 12 year old and twins that are 8 and life is never dull -- basketball, track, baseball and softball, gymnastics, and cheerleading. My husband is wonderful... and he never complains about the extra things he is having to do. It is encouraging to know that other women have been successful in juggling a balanced family and a successful career. | |
| March 20, 2007 | |
| Just because kids and spouses don't complain on the outside, don't believe that it's not affecting their hearts. I know, I've been on the other side. When what we do doesn't match up with what we say...when we claim our work is not more important, yet we devote all our time, attention, and energy to it, leaving nothing for the ones we supposedly love, they're getting a message you didn't intend to send. But it got sent and received. Get out of the bubble from time to time and really ask them how they're doing and let them know that they really are the most important. (Hoping that they indeed are, of course.) | |
Bushmaster (talk|edits) said: | 20 March 2007 |
| My soon to be 8 year old son asked me last night when tax season was going to be over. That nearly killed me. He is now 7 and already hates the IRS!!!! I told him for the rest of the year, I will only work a half day on Friday and will pick him up after school and we can go do stuff. That seemed to help, but on the flip side, I am sure he would rather eat than see me 12 months out of the year versus 9.5. | |
| 20 March 2007 | |
| My Dad was a CPA. When I told my parents that we wanted to get married in Feb, his reaction was it's the middle of tax time!
I'm now a CPA and although at this point in my life I'm semi-retired, I've paid my dues with very long hours during tax time... This was before computers! My hubby of 43 yrs has been understanding and helpful. I've also had instances where I've been ill in the middle of tax season and not able to work. Family is more important than taxes! | |
| 20 March 2007 | |
| This is a most interesting and enlightening discussion. It hits home to me because I'm planning to retire in a year and a half (I'm currently a pension specialist for a major corporation in the Chicago area), and am seriously considering working for an accounting firm doing tax work.
I may change my mind, however, if the accountant who want to hire me insists on all of those hours. I don't really care how much I'll make (well, I guess I care a LITTLE), but on retirement I want to be retired and spend time with my family. I don't mind working a little harder during tax season, but I'd like to to be five days per week max. All of you pros -- does that sound workable? Am I blowing smoke? JR, you've got the right idea -- mind if I come and work for you?? -:) | |
| 20 March 2007 | |
| Oh yes, I have the same problem. Every year my husband tells me how hard tax season is for him. I know it is too; but that does make a stressful time for me even harder. I am lucky that he gets our daughter up & ready for school since I work late nights and want to sleep in a little. Even our kids know tax season, clients etc... By April 15th we're all ready for it to be over. :-) | |
| 20 March 2007 | |
| My husband and I both do taxes so we understand what each other is going through and are supportive of each other - for the most part. Occasionally we'll get into little p***ing matches about who has more work to do and who is more stressed out. Usually happens when the house is trashed and neither of us has the time or energy to do anything about it. The house suffers but we do make sure we take time to be with our 15 year old - the years til college are short and will go by fast so I try to always make time for him no matter what!
JR, you are so right about priorities. It hit home to me last year when I ended up taking 2 trips back to Indiana in the middle of tax season to help my parents who were both having health issues. I lost a couple clients because I couldn't get their taxes done as quick as they wanted - but it was the best decision I ever made. I never once regretted losing those clients. (Luckily my parents are doing just fine now!) | |
Bottom Line (talk|edits) said: | 23 March 2007 |
| CWatt1 - you should be able to find a position that fits the hours you want to work. Just make sure you let the office know early in the interview process what your ground rules are concerning hours. AND STICK TO YOUR GUNS!! It's easy for the hours to expand if you let them. There are a lot of retired people that work just during tax season. Mid January to mid April isn't bad and you can take the rest of the year off to play! | |
Mark Eason (talk|edits) said: | 24 March 2007 |
| My wife understands until about 4/10 when she has not seem me for more than 5 minutes at breakfeast for a month (yes, I prepare the breakfeast for the family.). One year she suggested that she should work in the office to help out. The secretary tried to explain to her how to copy source material and how to process returns after they come off the printer. I had to fire her (wife) on the 2nd day of work. She complained too much about how confusing it was. When I spoke to her at lunch today, we were still married. | |
Bottom Line (talk|edits) said: | 24 March 2007 |
| Ouch! It's bad when you have to fire your wife. Fortunately my husband wants nothing to do with my business. I don't think he'd make it past lunch. | |
| 11 April 2007 | |
| Still married. Kids are ready to throw me off the bridge though. | |
| 11 April 2007 | |
| Yes, but I'm the extended family math tutor, and tonight I had to tutor my niece in math via the phone tonight. Most nights she does her homework at the office so I can help her. She's darn tired of tax season. | |
| April 11, 2007 | |
| My husband and I are both CPAs with a 3yo daughter. He works for the firm where we met, I work for them too PT during tax season, and I have a small practice from home. I understand the schedule, but it's still hard. Mainly, it's hard on the little one because her daddy is gone before she awakes and home after she's asleep. I've made an effort to take her to the office a few times to take him dinner so they can spend a little time together. | |
| 11 April 2007 | |
| So far so good. Haven't divorced my family yet. I love them so much but give me a break. Cub scouts, boy scouts, baseball, church and on top of it all CRUNCH TIME. I don't even have time to finish my own return....it 90% completed but haven't added up my business miles or figured up my tel. tax credit. So extension for me. I know I will survive as I always do but during the last week I start to get real sour. Just ready for it to be over.
Dar | |
Actionbsns (talk|edits) said: | 11 April 2007 |
| I think my husband must have snuck a peak at this thread. He's been really great this year. Hasn't whined or complained hardly at all. And he's brought me coffee the last several evenings on his way home. I try to leave by 7:00 but tonight I know I'll be here later there are at least three tax returns I'd like to finish and then there's this really ugly new guy - thought he was an S corp, turned out he's not, I have some reading to do that someone suggested and his other stuff is just a mess, I'd like to get that one done tomorrow. | |
| 11 April 2007 | |
| Okay Action, what new gadget does your husband want? Maybe a new sports car or some fancy t.v.?
Seriously though, one of the things I most worry about as a tax professional is how my girlfriend/wife would handle the tax season. It might be almost like a long-distance relationship for three months. That's tough for the other to deal with and I don't like the thought of being an absentee parent for that time either. | |
| 11 April 2007 | |
| Dar -
Every year I try to do my own 1120S and my husband's 1120S in January, while I'm still waiting for everyone else to get their stuff in. Then I get as much done as I can on our personal ones before the rush starts. Last year, mine was done the first week of February. This year we had a family emergency in Dec and Jan, so ours will likely get done 4/17. Their all close to done, but at this point, I can't even remember where I left off. | |
Bottom Line (talk|edits) said: | 13 April 2007 |
| Still married! Since baseball season's started he's been doing lots of writing so he's not feeling as neglected. (Wants to be a sports writer when he grows up/retires from the fire dept) We're both looking at the last few days of tax season and he's starting to learn that because of payroll taxes, it's not really over until 5/1. I'm leaving the office today at 5:00 and working from home tomorrow. We're going out to supper tomorrow and I'm taking Monday afternoon off! Tuesday's our anniversary - eight years. | |
| 13 April 2007 | |
| Hey Deback, One bad apple doesn't mean that the whole bunch is rotten. I know how hectic schedules are in the first three months in a half during tax season. Please don't revolve your whole life around the tax season, you should go out there and get yourself a man so that you may enjoy life with a partner. I know it's not needed but it's much more fun doing things with a partner than by yourself. And as far as freinds go, it's not the same. Don't get me wrong, freinds are great, but they won't provide the same warmth of a companion, especially if you need a shoulder rub after getting those glazed eyes from stating into the monitor for hours. | |
